Posted by Adam @ 3:58 pm on June 11th 2013

Most boring bee news story ever?

Straight from the presses in steamy Houston, the most boring bee story ever. I am going to paste it in full in case the bee censors take it down at some future date.

There are bees flying through the walls of Victoria Azpuru’s home in west Houston.

She said they have returned three times in thirty years. At 74 years old, she nor her 79 year old sister, can get rid of them.

Azpuru just had surgery on her hand and a medical condition keeps her from going outside to do anything about it. She told Local 2, “I saw new bees and old ones buzzing, buzzing around and I got scared and came out because I’m allergic to bees.”

Azpuru called Local 2 and we called bee removal expert Claude Griffin at Gotcha Pest Control.

He went outside and quickly spotted the problem. Griffin said, “They may have imbedded themselves behind that chimney, behind that siding, in that corner and there’s a little moisture coming in.”

Griffin left her home on Suffolk Chase Lane in west Houston Monday to plan his attack. He planned to remove the bees on Friday.

He said the ants near an electrical transformer in the backyard could become a problem too. He was also trying to find a way to get her grass cut.

So, a nice tale of how the local news station did something about the bees, described in a tedious story some editor insisted was written to justify the expense of a couple of cans of wasp killers and a long broom, right?

You couldn’t be wronger if you were dressing your chihuahua in lingerie, giving it a Hitler moustache and then taking it to a Turkish bath.

Think about it. This is how they will take over and replace our way of life. One day it’s boring stories about feeble old folks getting their little “bee problem” solved by The Man Who Can, next minute your vigilance has lapsed and you’ve turned your eyes away to the pictures of bikini-clad celebrities on the right hand side of every Daily Mail webpage (don’t look! You’ll be trapped clicking on celebrity midriffs for an hour. So someone told me. Yes. Someone. Someone else) and while you weren’t paying attention giant bee complexes have appeared where human slaves toil endlessly in the nectar factories as their stripy overlords buzz, buzz, buzz and plot, plot, plot to cross breed us with flowers and create mobile nectar units for their perpetual sugary pleasure.

Today, nuisance bee stories. Tomorrow, you’ll be a full-service ambulatory bee truckstop.

Kill them all with fire.

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