Posted by Adam @ 9:25 am on August 26th 2011

When whining pricks attack

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson (who I once read should be addressed by his proper name of Alex Whinger, in order that it fit better into the football chant “One X Y-Z, there’s only one X Y-Z, one X Y-Zzzz, there’s only one X Y-Z”, sung to the tune of Guantanamera, ad nauseum, which requires for maximal mellifluous effect a name of which the first part has one syllable and the second has two) is unhappy. One might well agree that he should be unhappy, because he’s a miserable bastard and if one wasn’t unhappy already, that’d make surely make someone unhappy, but I detect a paradox, or a tautology, or something.

Anyhow. Alex feels that Manchester United get picked on because they get in trouble when he insults referees, or when cretinous players swear into TV cameras. That stuff would, you know, obviously happen to other clubs too, but it seems that because Manchester United provides lots of players for the England squad, they should get special treatment rather than the Football Association “…treating us like shit”. I think he’s onto something here and while we’re at it, I think that it’s unfair that United have to play games every season to try and win trophies when they should just be given them. I also propose that Christmas Day be renamed Alex Ferguson day, where we will all don make-up to make our faces attain the ruddy hue of a smacked arse while loudly and endlessly complaining about not getting treated with enough respect, before gifting everyone with photographs of ourselves (frame not included).


  1. The idea that Manchester United gets picked on would have more credibility if it weren’t for the magical phenomenon of extra time at Old Trafford.

    For the uninitiated: in soccer, time is kept on the field by the officials and runs more or less continuously, and extra time is added to the end of the ninety minutes to compensate for delays due to injuries, substitutions, goals and the like. When Manchester United plays at home, and is either down a goal or tied and in need of a win, remarkable amounts of time are sometimes added. At least twice in key matches in recent years, the referees have added four minutes–and then let the game run on for six or seven, right up to the point that MU scores the needed goal, at which point the game suddenly ends.

    Comment by Rojas — 8/26/2011 @ 10:48 am

  2. I note that you’ve embraced Alex Ferguson Day all year round.

    Comment by Adam — 8/26/2011 @ 2:01 pm

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